If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
