Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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