it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
