either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
