Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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