I puked a lego.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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