That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize