Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
