I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
