Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We are two peas in an std pod
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize