she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
