i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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