Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
