and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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