just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
