i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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