You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
