My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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