she looked like the bat from fern gully.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need to align my fucking chakras
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
