It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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