is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
