C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
