I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize