The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
