finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize