she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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