Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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