dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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