Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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