yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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