they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
