he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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