So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
