it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I believe in your delicious
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
