Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
