I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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