When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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