# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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