There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
