no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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