id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Congratulations! We have a period
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
