I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize