It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
