can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
