The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
