oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
