In the future we'll all be gay
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
