There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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