Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
