i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
