That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
