someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
