she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
