sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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