i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
