I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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