from now on my penis is your penis
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
