just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
