It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
