Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize