The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
