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I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
