I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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