I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
