After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
