I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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